i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
