you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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