my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Never underestimate the power of titties
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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