Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
