Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
the raccoons are back...
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