alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
That accounts for only three of the penises
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
