omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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