Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
