Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
