Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
