Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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