What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
