Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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