i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
