there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
