I need help removing her.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
