This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
