Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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