The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
