when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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