Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
