News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
