just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
