currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Terrible idea I love it
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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