Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
