My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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