Me. At least after what I've been through.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Randomize
