Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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