Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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