just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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