if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
