went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
