I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I will be naked everywhere
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
