Quick, to the slutcave!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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