theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
