i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
