It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
