Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
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