The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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