I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize