Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
