I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
