I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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