I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
