every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just pee around me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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