barbara walters just said penis...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
