i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
