it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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