good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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