I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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