Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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