Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
