y did u give ur computer a hand job?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
