Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
