You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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