it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
