so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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