Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
