You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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