So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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