You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
