false alarm. still invincible.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
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Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
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I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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