my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm too high and old for this...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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