either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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