I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
