If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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