So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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