Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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