He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
