i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
