Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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