you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
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