He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could fuck to npr.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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